Feelings…

August 19, 2009

Kinshuk a name I have known since my childhood, but never knew one day it will be the name I would want myself to get attached for my entire life…. Love makes a do all those things which we would never do otherwise… but am I against the idea of getting attaché to it?? No.Oh!! How I used to hate the idea of sc/st. As I grew up I developed a mindset which was not so conservative and not so prejudiced in many ways….and then I met him.

Life changed…… forever….we met and parted, we met and parted, we met and parted, and then we met again…. Then I realized that I never stopped loving him all these years…..No matter how much we try to change ourselves, basic nature never changes…..how true it is…. He has changed over the years, a lot. Yet, I can still see glimpses of the Kinshuk I got to know in college….just like me…. and I love him even more now…. Every time we get together I am caught in a tornado of emotions which overwhelm me…. and I totally love it.

There is so much I want to tell him yet words always fail me. Somehow hope never dies.
Entire world survives lives and loves because of hope, and I am no different. I know we are meant to be together or else why would we meet and part so many times and then again meet and with every meeting get closer to one another. Feel even strongly.

He is the one and only one for whom I do want to learn how to cook, have my own family, and want to grow old with. Falling in love with him all over again, huh? Not really just the feelings were closed in the deepest chamber of my heart, and now they have been liberalized. It is very difficult to hide them in front of him. He knows. He always knew. Only I do not know….How I wish it would it would have been little easier…but it is not…. I am willing to take and fight every difficult time that I will have to come across to be with him….. only if he says once. I am completely owned by him.
For once in my life I do not mind adjusting. He makes me love rain….now how beautiful is that.

6 years of my life. I am so full of emotions.
I have like all other stupid people I used to laugh at in love started writing lyrics of romantic songs from Hindi movies….. I cannot believe that I have already written one whole page about ….. I can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on…..never knowing where to stop and never wanting to stop. Amrita often used to pull my leg saying “why do you love him so much?” now I find myself asking the same question to me. It is amusing, yes it is very amusing indeed, and I know it has no answer or may be let’s just say coz love is boundless, till eternity. Love never questions only follows. There have been times when I felt may be this is just infatuation plain admiration… but admirations fades away and love endures.

Even after knowing one another for so many years we hardly know anything about one another. All I know are peanuts. He even less. I want him to know everything about me. There is so much I want to tell him. There is so much I want to know. He makes me smile and happy. He gives me a reason to live my life not just survive. There is hardly anything in my life that I cannot relate it to him….hehehe…..Thanks to Paul now I know what love is and I know who the one I am in love with is. Gosh!!!!!! I love him so much that I do not have enough word to express all my feelings.

I know gurumaa and maa durga are with me…. Kinshuk and I are going to be together forever…. 

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August 19, 2009

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